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Chapter
19 – Family Support
The
OC’s Perspective
“My
wife and kids would tell you how they hardly ever saw me. They made
huge sacrifices too. I’ve had good family support from my wife
and children and from my parents. Without that kind of support it
would have been impossible to carry on never mind striving to be
successful.
My wife supported me in the days when there was no Battalion
Welfare structure or staff on hand and she also visited widows and
their families and helped them when there was no practical
Regimental help. This was an area, which changed, greatly in later
years as the establishment of Regimental Welfare met the welfare
needs. My wife was also active through her involvement with the
Battalion Wives Club and she supported the Commanding Officer’s
wives in whatever way she could” (Hamill, 2007).
A
Wife’s Perspective
My
husband joined the UDR in 1974 and I am very proud of him for that.
But as the years went by I always felt so lonely. It wasn’t that
I didn’t have friends, but I always had to be on my guard, always
afraid of letting something slip that would put my husband’s life
at risk –it was a dangerous time.
I originally came from the country so I did not know many of
people in the town. The only people I knew well were my in-laws. Of
course my immediate friends and neighbours knew that my husband was
part-time in the UDR but even at the school gates I couldn’t let
anything slip. Because of the personal security risks I didn’t
join clubs or get involved in school parents activities.
Patrol
Preparation
When
my husband was on dayshift from 8am-4pm I would make his dinner for
4.30pm. After dinner he would have a wash and then sleep for a few
hours. I would have his uniform laid out on the bed so that he
could get ready for duty at 7pm. That would be the last I saw of my
husband until 4am or sometimes 6am the next morning.
Daily
Routine
I
just got on with my daily schedule, I had to keep the house running
and look after the children as well. The gardening and the
electrical work around the house became my responsibility as well
because my husband was away from home so much. He just worked and
slept and never attended school interviews or sports days. It was
the same for all the other UDR men in the area.
Phoning
Home
There
were no mobile phones in the early days so if my husband was later
than usual I just walked the floor hoping that everything was OK.
One morning he did not return home until 7.10am. I feared the worst
when two of his mates called at the house. But they were only
calling to let me know that he had been delayed clearing up a road
accident.
At the height of the terrorist campaign there were many
emergency Call-Ups from one up to six weeks in duration. On one
occasion I didn’t see my husband for three weeks and to make
matters worse for the family phoning home was banned for security
reasons.
Personal
Security
The
letterbox was sealed up with metal so that nothing obnoxious could
be posted into our home. I was always wary of answering the door.
That was a chore when you were alone with a couple of curious
toddlers following behind. I never answered the door without
carrying a security device that would dissuade any potential threat
to my family or myself.
I was an independent countrywoman and I just had to get on
with running the family home and constantly checking everything.
For example, I could not go out and open the garden shed without
first checking for terrorist devices. The stress eventually took
its toll and I lost a lot of weight. Then at the age of 28 I took a
stroke and ended up in hospital.
Health
and Welfare
The
UDR was a new Regiment and they didn’t have a coping mechanism
for dealing with families and family problems. I had a friend whose
husband was in the fire service and they had counselling from the
beginning but the Regiment was primitive in that respect.
After I suffered from a stroke my husband decided to resign
from the UDR, as there was no one to look after the children. The
whole situation had an adverse effect on his health. Before he was
a highly independent person but now his confidence had gone. He is
now suffering from the effects of long-term exposure to stress. He
has horrendous flashbacks, night terrors and problems sleeping.
Today he just gets up and gets on with it but sometimes the fear
and depression gets to him.
Personal
Feelings
I
feel cheated by the British government. I was brought up in the
country and my parents were of a mixed marriage. They talked about
poverty and explained that all of us, Protestants and Catholics had
poverty in common. We were all equal; we had no running water and
no electricity and that was only fifty years ago.
I do realize that I am in a more fortunate position than
many other women in Northern Ireland. Many wives suffered the
terrible loss of their husbands and children at the hands of the
terrorist. I can recall a soldier’s widow being given £2000
compensation after her husband was murdered by terrorists. The
judge told her she was young enough to go out and get married
again!
I don’t like it when people run the Regiment down without
knowing the real facts. I remember saying to one person visiting
us, “While you are in my house don’t run down the UDR”. I am
very proud of everyone who served in the UDR. The country was
deliberately thrown into turmoil by murdering terrorists and it was
people like my husband who stood up for everyone. If it happened
again I would make the same commitment.
There appears to be no real understanding in the wider
community of our experiences. I’ve never discussed how I felt
like this before. I’m not even sure if people would be interested
S33.
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